


Kiss Me

by silent_tension



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, M/M, spoilers up to 8x09
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-31
Updated: 2013-01-31
Packaged: 2017-11-27 16:28:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/664060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silent_tension/pseuds/silent_tension
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean/Cas, first kiss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kiss Me

“We’ve been over this. Not everything is your responsibility, Dean! Not everything is your fault.” Cas snapped at him, eyes sparkling with anger—it was out of fear,mostly,for seeing the hunter come undone—as he looked up at Dean who was staring unblinkingly at the fire burning in the fireplace, bright flashes of flames shooting up here and there, licking their way along the woods, his fingers tightly wrapped around a shot glass of whiskey; his fifth, as he stood there, refusing to look at Castiel.

Castiel had seen Dean break down sometimes, when he thought nobody knew, but this was beyond what he had seen. Dean wouldn’t even look at Cas, lost in thought, he kept pouring shot after shot, stealing glances at his phone, waiting. The idea had got into his mind that it was his fault that Sam was probably feeling as lost and angry as it came—that he kept refusing to reply to his texts or call him back. His brother was hurting, and Dean just knew that it was his fault—everything was because of him.

He was on a hunt in Broussard, just another salt and burn, and he was still trying to get in contact with Sam when Cas had showed up, saying he had sensed his discomfort. But Dean had just rolled his eyes at him, refusing to answer to any questions. It was none of his business. 

“If you give up now,you’re giving up for both of you. He’s your brother. He’ll understand.” 

Dean snorted, resisting the urge to roll his eyes at Cas again.

“Yeah, right.” he said sharply, making a point of not looking at Castiel. ”I did everything possible to push him—everyone— away, Cas. I don’t need you to tell me that “not everything’s my responsibility”, okay? I don’t need you to try to defend me, I don’t need you hanging around, looking at me like I’m the misery chick, I don’t need it! I just want you to go.” he said, making the angel narrow his eyes. “Don’t start with your touchy-feely crap. I am not buying it!”

Oh, there was no pleasing some.

Dean’s chronic sarcastic word diarrhea had often landed him in hundreds of awkward situations, and he sort of expected Castiel to snap back at him, to storm off and disappear in a whirl of feathers, leave him there to fume with anger. A moment’s glance was enough to realize that that was not going to happen. 

”If you really want your brother to talk to you, then you have to make sure you are okay first, and you can’t do that by moping around.” 

Dean looked over at Castiel, shot glass tightly held into his palm, the fire making feckles of gold dance around his irises. He swallowed thickly. Castiel felt a wave of something powerful, an overwhelming emotion strongly rooted in his core going over him as a surge of protectiveness burned under his skin; two twists of a rope twining inextricably around each other. 

“You didn’t do everything possible to push me away Dean…” he said and slowly stood up from where he had been sitting, taking a step towards Dean. “What happened between you and me…everything… the way it is, isn’t anyone’s fault. It isn’t your fault” Cas said, pursing his lips, a light frown creasing his forehead. He knew that he had made choices he shouldn’t have made, he knew that he had failed Dean—that he had let him down. He was not better than Dean, he was not better than anyone and the fact that the older Winchester kept blaming himself for everything was making him hate himself more. It was not fair.

Looking down at his hands, he shook his head, his mind swimming around to try to find the right words to say. “There was a time you trusted me.” Dean muttered under his breath and he was looking at Castiel now. Cas didn’t even have to ask; no words needed to be said—they both knew what Dean was talking about. They both knew that Cas didn’t need to say anything. After that night at the motel in Oklahoma, Dean knew what was Castiel’s burden. “I trust you” Cas said, letting loose a sigh; a too human thing to do, which made Dean look away, just for a moment. “This isn’t about me, Dean…That was before I knew who “I” was.”

Castiel kept his gaze for a while, before placing his arm around Dean’s right shoulder and squeezing lightly, his forehead still contracted into a frown. It was a spur of the moment, and the angel knew it probably wasn’t his best decision, but he would give anything to take Dean’s pain away; to make him stop blaming himself for everything. A light smile teased at his lips as he looked up at Dean, his bottom lip wavering as he moved his hand from Dean’s shoulder and curled his fingers around the fabric of his jacket, taking a step closer with his head up and his gaze fixed on Dean’s face. ”It’s alright.” 

There was nothing Dean could do to prevent the brim of tears at the bottom of his eyes; there was only so much hurt a man could take, and he had reached a point where he didn’t even care anymore. Sam, Benny, protecting the prophet, closing the gates of Hell forever—it was a lot to take in, the weight on his shoulders dragging him down in a pit of self loathing and pain. Nothing was important, not anymore. All he had was his gun and a job to do, a brother to protect and a world to save. He had lost himself a long time ago, the lights had all had gone out, but Castiel knew that there was still someone home, that Dean was not just a hunter—he was a human being with forgotten dreams, and feelings. He loved his brother blindly and passionately and he kept trying to do the best he could; to save as many lives as he could. To keep going. 

“You should go.” Dean said, made his voice sharper, pulling his hand away. 

“No”

“Cas…” he gritted his teeth, not looking at Castiel anymore. I don’t want it to be like that anymore, I’m just sick of it. 

“Give it the fuck up”

Castiel’s days of blindly following orders were over, and even though he would do anything for Dean, Dean wouldn’t get to make that decision for him. Not this time. Because he wanted to stay, and none of this, whatever it was that was happening between the brothers, would change the fact that he believed that Dean hadn’t done anything wrong. That it wasn’t his fault. 

“No!” 

Dean sighed, eyes flicking back over at Castiel. He was so tired of trying to walk around with this fake smile on his face, pretending everything’s fine. Why was Castiel there? Why did he have to keep coming to him? He was not worth it. 

“Stop it!” Cas snapped, taking another step closer. “I don’t need rhetoric, Dean. Right now, I need you to stop thinking that any of this is your fault, because it’s not. Stop it, what you are doing. What I need you to do is find a way to accept what’s happened. We can’t change the past Dean, but…” he moved his hand to Dean’s shoulder again, lightly pushing to make Dean look at him. “You know that even though everything’s changing, some things just don’t”

Dean looked looked at Castiel’s hand that was still squeezing his shoulder, an irresistible urge to step closer to the angel, to feel his warmth surround his body rising out of its ashes, shreding his insides apart, crashing against his heart. His breath hitched when he noticed the way Castiel’s eyes were softly glowing, the flicker of the flames the only light in the darkness that was surrounding them. He could feel his heart beating wildly against his chest, passion burning through him, suffocating him, sweeping over him like a mountain stream that could only go forward. Overwhelming his entire being. Castiel could see him, he had always been looking at him. And Dean didn’t want to hide anymore. He didn’t want to try. 

Looking up to meet Castiel’s eyes, he sucked in a breath as he moved closer and gently cradled Castiel’s face in his hands. Cas blinked up him, hands slowly sliding down Dean’s back to his waist, holding on to him. Fascinating. He had never felt this kind of feeling before, so strong. There was a hunger inside of him, of both of them, that was growing, faster and faster. A desire overtaking them. His need for Castiel was crippling and at that moment, Dean found himself craving for the angel’s love like oxygen. Cas leaned up tentatively, hot puffs of air caressing his lips as he pressed his forehead against Dean’s, a whispered “Dean” falling from his lips. Dean closed his eyes and just breathed, brushed his nose against Castiel. Dean’s thumbs were rubbing along the curves of Cas’ cheekbones, his mouth, open and hot just an inch away from Castiel’s, breath hitching slightly when Castiel dug his nails into his backs, slowly dragging his hands down to the small of his back, slipping underneath the hem of his jacket to palm his skin. Dean leaned in—there was nothing left to say—and pressed his lips to the side of Castiel’s neck, making him gasp, press his chest against Dean’s as the hunter started working at the skin of Cas’ neck, mouthing gently and pressing the tip of his tongue to the pulse point, sucking lightly. This was really happening. Cas ran his hands over Dean’s back, cupped the back of his neck, his fingers curling around the nape, before tugging at the short hair. “Dean” he gasped, and Dean couldn’t help moaning softly, closing his eyes tightly as he crashed his lips against Castiel’s. Dean missed Castiel’s mouth at first, the kiss landing slightly off-base as he tentatively leaned toward the other man, one hand moving to rest on Castiel’s right shoulder. He slowly brushed his lips over Castiel’s bottom lip before pressing harder, firmly, and Cas slid his lips over Dean’s, eyes drifting shut, pressing them in one way before turning to another, sighing softly against his mouth. It was a gentle brushing back and forth, a silent plea for more. Dean moaned against Castiel’s lips and slipped his tongue into his mouth, hard and demanding, dragged his knuckles against Castiel’s sides, following the rise and fall of Castiel’s chest with his fingertips, and there were hands everywhere on him, as Castiel pulled him closer, gasping breathlessly into his mouth, clinging on with his fingers through the tightening in his chest, the catch of his breath in his lungs, painful and so damn beautiful, the hunger burning along his skin, making him weak. Powerless.

Dean groaned, tugging at Castiel’s bottom lip, littering those sweet lips with sweet nips until Castiel hissed, “Dean” through his teeth, wrapped his arms around him tightly, head slightly tilted back like he was drowning. The sensation of heat and love and need growing inside him until it was overpowering.

He leaned up and bit Dean’s bottom lips, smiling against his mouth. It made Dean pull Castiel close to him, closer, closer, as close as humanly possible, before he spun him around, pressed his back against the side of the fireplace, pushing him tightly against the wall as he chased his lips, moaning and gasping when their tongues slid against each other. Wrapping his fingers around Castiel’s wrists, he pushed his hands up against the wall, sucked his tongue into his mouth. Castiel cried out a moan that went straight to Dean’s core, made him dizzy. It was consuming, and as he pressed his hips to Castiel’s, pinning him against the wall with his body, he could feel his blood rushing hot through his veins, his skin brushing against the fabric of Castiel’s trenchoat. 

“Fuck” Dean breathed and pressed his lips to Castiel’s throat, sucking a bruise into the curve of Castiel’s collarbone, feeling the angel’s body go tight against his. Cas closed his eyes and bit his bottom lip, hips pushing forward against Dean’s, the breathy little moans he was whispering into the silence warming Dean up, the heat surrounding them growing impossibly hotter. Dean pressed his lips firmly against Castiel’s, when he felt Castiel change his angle and pushd the flat of his tongue lightly across his bottom lip, pressing further against him, the overwhelming musk growing stronger as it choked the air between them. Castiel darted his tongue against Dean’s once he felt it thrust back into his mouth, nipping at Dean’s bottom lip as he was pulled into another kiss, humming low in his throat. Dean tightened his hold on Castiel’s wrists and deepened the kiss, creating a gradual rhythm which began speeding up once he felt Castiel sucking his tongue ”Dean.” Dean licked along the roof of his mouth before pulling away to bite his lower lip. He sucked Castiel’s bottom lip into his mouth and tasted his lips with a sweep of his tongue, and he could swear that he could taste Castiel’s pulse in his mouth as he slid his tongue back into Castiel’s mouth, moaning and breathing hard, kissing him deeply with a desperation for more and more, causing another loud moan to burst from Castiel’s mouth as a slow-creeping pleasure ran through his body. He needed more of that warmth - more of that pleasure, and Cas was soon moaning loudly into the kiss as Dean kept kissing him breathessly, sliding one hand down to rub over the jut of Castiel’s hipbones. “Dean, Dean” Cas gasped, a pool of warmth travelling straight to his crotch, a quiet moan escaping his mouth as he hitched up slightly, catching Dean’s gaze. 

They had lost too much time. 

And he could stay with Castiel forever; but they couldn’t. 

Sighing, muttering under his breath, Dean dropped his head to Castiel’s shoulder and let loose a tired sigh, his hands dropping to his sides. “Dean?” Cas asked, breathless, trying to catch his breath. “Are you okay?” 

There was a million things they could day, but they didn’t really have to utter a word. They already knew.

Castiel moved his hands to Dean’s waist and dropped a kiss to the top of his head, running his hands up and down Dean’s sides in an attempt to rub the tension set between his shoulder blades away, and he could practically feel Dean melting against him. “It’s okay, Dean” he whispered. 

Dean just smiled weakly, another sigh falling from his lips as he turned his head to the side, pressed his face into the crook of Cas’ neck.

“Yeah, I know…” 

“It’s gonna be okay”


End file.
